How to write a “Reflective Thank You Letter” for aging parents while they are still alive.

Witnessing the drastic health changes in my aging parents, and realizing that the average life expectancy in the world is ~71 years of age have made me think more deeply about the inevitable mortality of life. 

It was in this moment of grief, at the thought of potentially losing my parents, that I decided to write a reflective thank you letter to my parents. I thought to myself, why wait until their funeral to tell others how much they meant to me? When, they are still alive and able hear the very words that would mean the world for them to hear from the very person that they put so much love/time/energy in? 

 

I know not everyone feels comfortable, or knows where to start, and so here are 10 tips on how to write a “Reflective Thank You Letter” for your aging parents while they are still alive:

 

1.     Consider starting with, “If I would have to describe my mom/dad this is how I would do it..,” or “Dear mom/dad, somethings I wanted to tell you are…”

 

2.     Recall special/treasured memories/times you shared with them. (i.e. from early childhood growing up, school age, adult, or more recent years).

3.     Recall some things they taught you. Be specific, no detail is too small.

 

4.     Include some of their character/personality traits, habits or sayings they had, hobbies/favorite pastimes, places they liked to visit, attitude/perspective towards life, career/life accomplishments, major life events encountered, and/or quirky thing they would say/do.  You can even add some humor if you would like.

 

5.     If appropriate, ask and provide forgiveness. After all, most parents do the best the can parenting the way they know to be best at the time, as we also will be striving to do when we will be raising our own children.

6.     Express your love, gratitude, appreciation, and respect you have for them. As well as how proud you are of them, and the legacy they left behind.

 

7.     Don’t be afraid to write/confess your deepest emotions. 

8.     Write everything you want the person to read/know, so you can be sure they know exactly how you feel. It should be descriptive, heartfelt, honest, and original. 

9.     Don’t worry about the length, something is better than nothing. There is no right/wrong way to write it. 

10.  Please do not postpone writing the letter until it is too late.

 

After I had written my letter, I put it in a yellow envelope I had in my home, and hand delivered it to my parents personally. I took turns doing this so each parent could soak in the words I had written for them. My parents loved/treasured the letter so much, that they got teary listening to it, and wanted all their kids/loved ones to write them a letter. It helped process our grief, face our mortality, reminisce on good times, and provide movement in the right direction towards providing much needed closure in areas of our life that would not have been spoken about, had I not written a letter.

 

 

What are you wanting to write in your “Reflective Thank You Letter”?

 

 

 

 

Photo source: pixabay.com

 

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